For the Grieving Person After Loss

1. Let yourself grieve

 Let yourself take this roller coaster ride and react to the wave of emotions rather than to try to suppress them. By letting yourself give into the grief, you can start the healing process.

 

2. Express yourself

 Talking is often good way to soothe painful emotions. Talking to a friend, family member, health professional or counselor can begin the healing process.

3. Have a good cry

 Do this as often you need to. Tears provide a healthy emotional release and help clear out the cobwebs.

 

4. Talk to a friend or family

 Don’t go through grief alone. This is the time to reach out to those who care for you and love you. They too may be experiencing the pain you are enduring. Facing difficulty together is better then facing it alone.

5. Take care of your physical and emotional well being

  • Get rest                              

  • Eat regularly

  • Drink a lot of water

  • Pray or meditate

  • Exercise

  • Laugh

You are no good to others or yourself if you stop taking care of your physical health.

 

6. Avoid making major decision

 When grief is new, it’s harder to think clearly about things because there is so much emotion involved. Avoid making major decisions in the first year, especially if those decisions are irreversible, because you are more likely to make a decision that you might regret.

7. Turn to your faith

 Finding comfort, solace, and answers from faith may be reassuring and bring hope. Meditation and Prayer may assist in one’s spiritual development by clearing the mind of the day to day stress, and allow one to focus on the grace of God.

 

8. End each day giving thanks for your blessings

  • What can you give thanks for today?

  • Did support come from an unexpected place?

  • Did someone say exactly what you needed to hear?

  • Did a robin stop and sing on your windowsill?

 Blessings come in many forms. Even in the toughest of times, there is something for which you can be thankful. Gratitude heals at a very deep level.

9. Go your own pace, Grieve your own way

 Grief doesn’t have a schedule. Just do what you need to do and feel what you need to feel in order to heal. Not everyone will be grieving the same way you are grieving. You may consider to:

 

  • Keep a journal of your feeling

  • Go for a vacation

  • Listen to music that calms you

  • Talk to him or her as through they were sitting right next to you

  • Sit quietly and think about your loved one

  • Allow yourself to observe special anniversary

  • Write letter to your loved one

  • Play your loved one’s favourite music

  • Find a hobby that fills you with happiness

  • Wear their clothing or jewellery

  • Make a playlist of the songs that remind you of them

  • Design your own bereavement rituals

  • Try to do something outdoor everyday

Care After Loss

Normal Reaction After Loss

Normal Physical Symptoms

  • Dry mouth and skin

  • Loss of appetite or over-eating

  • Sleeplessness

  • Frequent thoughts about the one who died

  • Breathing difficulties

  • Extreme tiredness

  • Difficulty in maintaining concentration; forgetfulness

  • Increased sensitivity to loud noises

  • Feeling confused

Normal Emotional Symptoms

  • Things seem unreal

  • You may feel distant from others, and it may seem as if no one really cares about you or understands what it’s like

  • Loss of meaning in life

Normal Feelings Sometimes Associated with Grief and Mourning

  • Shock and numbness

  • Guilt

  • Anger

  • Depression

  • Relief (it is a normal feeling, especially when the deceased suffered before death)

Normal Behaviours

  • Social withdrawal

  • Dreams of the deceased

  • Avoiding reminders of the deceased

  • Searching and calling out

  • Sighing

  • Restless hyperactivity

  • Crying

  • Visiting places or carrying objects that remind the survivor of the deceased

  • Treasuring objects that belonged to the deceased

Accompanying Someone Who’s Grieving

Do:

  • Listen with companion without interrupting

  • Help with funeral arrangement

  • Reminisce with them

  • Encourage them to talk about their loved one

  • Accept their feeling, have empathy

  • Let them cry

  • Let them talk about how their loved one dies

  • Remember significant dates such as their loved one’s birthday or the date they died

  • Offer to do housework such as cleaning, laundry, take phone call

  • Invite them to do things with you that they normally would enjoy

  • Offer practical accompaniment, let them know you are there for them

  • Continue your support over the long haul.

  • Encourage to seek for counselor if needed

Don’t:

  • Stop them from crying

  • Avoid mention about their loved one

  • Lose comtrol/ leave them without support

  • Hurry someone along in their grieving

  • Comfort or advise them by saying: “It’s part of God’s plan”, “Look at what you have to be thankful for.”, “He;s in a better place now.”, “This is behind you now; it’s time to get on with your life.”, “You shoukd….” or “You will….”

  • Tell him or her that “I understand your feeling”

  • Compare the loss of the significant loved one with others

  • Make assumption based on outward appearance by saying thins like: “You are so strong”, “You look so well”

丧亲后常出现的反应

面对亲人离世,你可能会出现各种不同的哀伤反应。这些反应有些只是暂时性的,有些则会持续一段时间及反复出现:

行为反应

  • 哭泣                                  

  • 失眠

  • 食欲障碍

  • 心不在焉

  • 社交退缩

  • 梦见逝者

  • 避免提起死者或看见死者一些遗物

  • 叹气

  • 坐立不安/活动过多

  • 旧地重游及珍藏遗物

思想反应

  • 不相信

  • 幻觉

  • 困惑

  • 沉迷于对逝者的思念

  • 感到他/她仍然存在

生理反应

  • 胃部空虚

  • 胸口紧迫

  • 有窒息感

  • 肌肉软弱无力

  • 喉咙发紧

  • 对声音敏感

  • 失去知觉

  • 呼吸急促

  • 缺乏精力

  • 口干

情绪反应

  • 悲哀

  • 焦虑

  • 孤独感

  • 内疚自责

  • 疲累

  • 无助感

  • 愤怒

  • 震惊

  • 苦苦思念

  • 解脱感

  • 轻松

  • 麻木

如何陪伴他人经历悲伤

在经历悲伤时,悲伤者身边的亲友的陪伴是很重要。

不过很多时候,陪伴者看到悲伤者哭泣常觉得不知所措,那就是因为陪伴者本身也还没有充足准备去面对这件悲伤的事情和情绪。

做好准备是非常重要的,

不需要阻止悲伤者的哭泣,也不需要纠正他的悲伤言词,只要让他感觉有人在身边关心他就足够了,

另外也可以多打电话关心他,让他的悲伤情绪有所抒发。

避免使用以下言词:

[时间可以治疗一切、冲淡一切]

[我能明白你的感受]

[不要哭了,哭也没有用]

[你应该看开点]

[还好他没有受很多哭]

[有人比他更惨]

合适的:

  • 真诚的陪伴和自然安慰,用平常最自然的方式对待他                                  

  • 在丧亲者需要倾诉时,安静的聆听                                                 

  • 实际的陪伴,尝试邀约丧亲者:“要不要和我一起去……”、“吃饭时间到了,一起去吃饭吧……”                     

  • 协助丧亲者办理及完成丧礼              

  • 协助丧亲者一起完成逝者的遗愿       

  • 与丧亲者共同分享对逝者的回忆       

  • 主动帮忙处理家事及日常生活上的其他事物                                          

  • 在安全的环境下,与丧亲者谈论逝者                                              

  • 如有需要,鼓励丧亲者寻求辅导服务                                              

  • 在逝者的纪念日,以卡片、信件、电话、拜访等方式表达关怀                   

  • 请允许丧亲者依照自己的步调走过悲伤,尽可能保持适当的饮食、睡眠及生活运作

不合适的:

  • 阻止悲伤者哭泣                                

  • 刻意迴避谈论逝者                          

  • 不联络也不探望丧亲者                   

  • 要丧亲者尽快走出悲伤                     

  • 说一些“场面话”或自以为是的“安慰话”如:“时间可以治疗创伤”、“还好他没有受很多的痛苦”、“别难过了,你还有很长的一辈子”                     

  • 把对象当成悲剧的主角,用可怜同情的眼光和口气来安慰人家            

  • 对丧亲者说“我理解你的痛苦”         

  • 告诉丧亲者“每个人都会死”,要他们节哀顺变                                     

  • 评价丧亲者的悲伤反应,或与他人的悲伤反应作比较                          

  • 建议丧亲者立即移除逝者的遗物,或马上作出生活中重大的改变         

Nirvana Funeral Service 24 Hrs Care Line

: 019-9130013 (KL, Selangor, Johor)

: 012-4011217 (Penang)

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